TOEFL® essay sample: Many people have a close relationship...

[Carrey]

TOEFL essay sample

With life better and wages raised, many families begin to own pets, dogs, cats and others. Many people complain about the negative sides brought with the feeding of pets, like environment issues and contagious diseases. However, the other side of coin voices that pets bring family happiness . Thus , pet-lovers always treat them as a member of family.

It seems that the cons could supply concrete reasons and solid examples against feeding pets. What the most compelling issue is the contagious disease when you contact with your pets. For example , you are so love of your dog that you often kiss it. However, when you kiss its nose or other parts, the bacteria or even virus could be passed to your mouth. Another serious example is the harm when dogs bark or even bite people. Compared to the contact like kissing , this harm may cause more severe problems. You have to immune yourself in hospital if you come across this problem. Besides the issues, dogs can bring environmental issues for example ,they can pee randomly and bark anytime.

Though many negative sides supplied , pet-lovers still treat pets as members of their families , They think pets can bring happiness to you and accompany you when you are alone. When you feed pets and bring them around a garden, it could cultivate your warmhearted view. Then it can make people help each other and build a harmony socity . Recently TV shows that many kinds of dogs can cure people’s mental disease. It is not surprising that dogs can take care of blind people. consequently, pets have helped people so much and people should return their appreciation.

As far as I am concerned , I think everything has its strengths and weaknesses, to treat pets as members of our families is no exception . However, the con’s idea seem more reasonable than the pro’s suggestion. Nevertheless, it do not indicate that we should discard all pets . We should live with pets in a normal and healthy way rather than treat them in such a intimate way .

[Mister Micawber]

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Hi. I have entered comments in brackets regarding the preceding underlined sections.

With life better and wages raised, many families begin to own pets, dogs, cats and others ['pets' is enough; cut the underlined]. Many people complain about the negative sides brought ['sides' are not 'brought'; revise] with the feeding of pets, like environment [the adjective is 'environmental']issues and contagious diseases. However, the other side of the coin voices ['coins' cannot speak] that pets bring family happiness . Thus , pet-lovers always treat them as a member [concord: 'them', 'members']of the family.

It seems that the cons could supply concrete reasons and solid examples ['concrete' and 'solid' are synonymous; this is essay padding-- delete something] against feeding pets. What [delete] the most compelling issue is the [which?-- delete 'the'] contagious disease when you contact with ['contact' does not take a preposition; delete 'with'] your pets. For example , you are so love of [the phrase is 'in love with']your dog that you often kiss it. However, when you kiss its nose or other parts [ugh!--- sounds repulsive! Delete!], the bacteria or even [no reason for the intensifier; delete] virus could be passed to your mouth. Another serious example is the harm when dogs bark [dogs do not 'bark people'; a preposition is required] or even bite people. Compared to the contact like kissing , this harm may cause more severe problems ['harm' does not cause 'problems', they are synonymous; revise this part]. You have to immune yourself [wrong verb structure; 'have yourself immunized'] in hospital if you come across [wrong verb; 'come across' = meet casually or by chance] this problem. Besides the issues, dogs can bring environmental issues for example ,they can pee randomly and bark anytime ['pee' is too casual; too many 'issues'; 'besides' is odd; 'randomly' and 'anytime' are synonymous: revise the sentence completely].

I leave you to take the suggestions I have given above and apply them similarly to the remainder of your essay.
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_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mr. Micawber