TOEFL® essay sample: What are the consequences of pollution?

[Janice]

Please give me some commons on the following toefl essay. Thank you very much!

TOEFL essay sample

What are the consequences of pollution? How can we control it?

Pollution is a serious problem nowadays. Cars running around the streets, factories emitting toxic smoke, sewage being dumped into the sea, and oil being spilled into the ocean, are very common in our society. We, the human being, have caused theses pollutions at the first place, but now the pollutions have come to threaten us.
Our health is deteriorated as result of emission of carbon dioxide from the vehicles, and sulfer dioxide and nitroxide from industries. These gases are often trapped in the city, creating smog that could worsen asthma, impair lung function, and even cause death. Increasing pollutants such as carbon dioxide and chlorofluorocarbon can cause global warming and depletion in the ozone layer. When ozone layer is depleted, more UV rays can penetrate to our atmosphere, thus causing skin cancers. In fact, statistics show that there is about ten percent increase in skin cancer rate in the world since 1995. In addition, much of our groundwater is being polluted because farmers use chemical fertilizes, pesticides, and herbicides to raise their crops. These chemicals can seep easily from the farmland to the groundwater, causing diseases to us.

It is not just we are affected by pollution; animals and plants are also affected by pollution. Animals and plants would become dehydrated from the extreme heat. Ice would melt more quickly, destructing the habitat of polar bears. Fish and other marine animals would die from oil leakage and the presence of untreated sewage in the sea.

However, we can all reduce pollution by changing our lifestyle. Instead of driving cars, we can take public transits, ride bikes, and walk more frequently. We should try to reduce, recycle, and reuse things as much as we can. Since factories are the number one cause of acid rain, they should reduce their amount of emissions as much as possible. For instance, they could install rubber scrappers on their chimneys to trap sulfer dioxide and nitroxide from escaping to the atmosphere. Governments should also set up strict laws and legislations regarding chemicals usage on farms. Instead of using chemical fertilizers, pesticides, and herbicides, farmers should use natural fertilizers and insects-resistant crops that are invented by biotechnology. Furthermore, governments need to raise public awareness on pollution control through education. Teachers have to address to all students on how to restrict pollution.

In short, pollution threatens both the mankind as well as the environment, but I believe we can restrict pollution by working together so that our future will have a clean environment.

[Alan]

Hi Janice,

I have made some suggestions in CAPITAL letters:

[Janice]

Thank you very much Alan for editing my essay!! Your corrections are very helpful to me!!