Toefl® essay sample: Why go to university?

[Altaa_Aagii]

3. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or unibersity? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In my opinion, the high education is the one of the important factors of one’s success. By attending to the university or college, the person can acquire the deeper knowledge than those he/she get from the second education, and can collect new experiences to adapt in social life, to deal with people, and also can have many friends of different backgrounds.
First of all, I think, college or university is a place where one can gain knowledge from wide variety of topics and the first step to prepare the person to the future. Knowledge is the powerful tool in one’s future life because the accomplished person can get a good job and there will be more opportunity to get one’s goals than others who doesn’t have an high education.
Second, when studying at university or college, generally, students live far from their parents, and it gives them a lot of things such as new experiences to live independent from others, how to spend money effectively and etc. When I was studying at university, I was living far from my parents, and during this time I was cognizant that what our parent have an important role in our life, how to live in independence and what is expense of money. All of those experiences and realization help me to outgrow who am I today.
On the other hand, in the university, students come from not only many different location of the country but also from the other countries. It gives us an opportunity to have many friends from different background?. Having friends from different background helps us to recognize about different cultures of countries, different life styles, certain types of foods and different behaviour of people around us. When I was studying at university, I understood how is useful the sharing knowldedge with others. It had giving me more broad knowledge about the subject we learned.
In conclusion, a college or university is the place where how to deal with life, how to interact with people and how to become independent are taught and experienced there. The high education of college or university makes individual complete and help him/her to lead a successful life. That’s why I strongly recommend that everyone should attend college or university.

Special desire:
Please evaluate my essay!! I want to know what is my level on essay writing.

[Alan]

Hi,

My suggestions are in CAPITAL LETTERS:

In my opinion, highER education is one of the important factors of one’s success. By attending university or college, A person can acquire A deeper knowledge than those WHO get IT from SECONDARY education, and can collect new experiences to adapt in social life, to deal with people, and also can have many friends of different backgrounds.
First of all, I think, college or university is a place where one can gain knowledge from A wide variety of topics and the first step to prepare the person FOR the future. Knowledge is A powerful tool in one’s future life because the accomplished person can get a good job and there will be more opportunity to REACH one’s goals than others who don’t have highER education.
Second, when studying at university or college, generally, students live far from their parents, and it gives them a lot of things such as new experiences to live independent from others, how to spend money effectively and etc. When I was studying at university, I was living far from my parents, and during this time I was cognizant that our parentS have an important role in our life, how to live in independence and what is THE VALUE of money. All of those experiences and realization help me to grow UP TO who am I today.
On the other hand, AT university, students come from not only many different locationS of the country but also from the other countries. It gives us an opportunity to have many friends from different backgroundS. Having friends from different backgroundS helps us to recognize different cultures of countries, different life styles, certain types of foods and different behaviour of people around us. When I was studying at university, I understood how USEFUL IT sharing knowldedge with others. It GAVE me more broad knowledge about the subject we learned.
In conclusion, a college or university is the place where YOU LEARN how to deal with life, how to interact with people and how to become independent and experienced there. HIGHER education AT college or university makes AN individual complete and helpS him/her to lead a successful life. That’s why I strongly recommend that everyone should attend college or university.

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Womens' Day