TOEFL® essay sample: Canada is a democratic country like Turkey...

[Tolgay Ekizoglu]

Today, I’d like talk about Canada. Canada is a democratic country like Turkey but Queen Elizabeth of England also rules a Canada’s Queen although she has no real power. Canada’s prime minister has the real power. The prime minister leader of Canada, however, he doesn’t make laws. Canada had 23 Primer Minister until Steven Harper (he is the last prime minister of Canada). The parliamentary makes laws and changes. Canada is the second largest country in the world. Approximately 33 millions people live in Canada. It has 10 provinces and 3 territories. Ottawa is the capital city of Canada. Every each province has a capital city and a mayor. Some laws are different from province to province. For example sales tax or the legal drinking age. Canadians like democracy and laws (rules) but nobody likes pay tax .Everybody always complain about the taxes. English and French are Canada’s official languages. All government documents are written in both languages. Not everyone speaks both of them. Most Canadians speaks English .The immigrants bring their languages to Canada. The first of July is Canada day on this day Canada became a country.

Toronto is the largest city of Canada. A lot of different country’s people live together in same region in peace. It’s like a rainbow .Toronto is the warmest part of east coast .It has four different seasons, in the winter time you can see so many snow everywhere. Ice Hockey is Canada’s national game. Most towns have hockey teams and larger cities have professional team. Toronto’s favourite team is Toronto Maple Leafs in NHL. If you want to watch a hockey game at ACC, you have to spend so much money. But money is not enough. You have to buy a ticket before the regular season. It is so hard to find a ticket in the season.

If you are an immigrant in Canada and do you want to take a driver’s licence or do you want to be a doctor you must to pass some examinations .They don’t accept your certificate or driver’s licences. So many newcomers complain about these political statutes. For example if you want to drive a car you have to pass 3 exams and it takes time (about 2 years).

Canadians say loonie for a dollar and twonie for two dollars. When I heard those two words from my wife, I was laughing by myself .But after 3 or 4 weeks I stared to use them because it is a traditional and useful. The other traditional word is “EH”. Unfortunately, I don’t know what is that mean but sometimes I’m using my end of the sentences. I think it means, do you agree whit me ? When I use this word I feel like a real Canadian. It’s cool ‘EH’?

You have to know three rules if you want to live in Canada; don’t break the rules, pay tax and love winter. That’s the only way to survive in here…

Love,
Tolgay Ekizoglu

[Prezbucky]

Rewritten (suggestions). I'm a bit fuzzy on capitalizing "prime minister" and "queen" -- if it's a direct reference to a specific prime minister, then it's capitalized. If not, it is not capitalized. Given that rule, use your best judgment.

I'll re-check it soon to make sure I didn't miss anything obvious.

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Today I’d like to talk about Canada. Like Turkey, Canada is a democratic country. England's Queen Elizabeth II rules as Canada’s queen, but she has no real power. Canada’s prime minister is the real political executive. As powerful as the prime minister is, however, he doesn’t make laws. Steven Harper is the 24th Prime Minister of Canada. Parliament is in charge of national legislation. In terms of area, Canada is the second-largest country in the world. Approximately 33 million people live in Canada. Canada has ten provinces and three territories. Ottawa is the capital city of Canada. Each province has a capital city and a mayor. Some laws differ among the provinces, like sales tax and the legal drinking age. Canadians like democracy and laws (rules) but nobody enjoys paying taxes. Everybody always complains about taxes. English and French are Canada’s official languages. All government documents are written in both languages. Not everyone speaks both English and French. Most Canadians speak English. Immigrants bring their native languages to Canada. July 1st is Canada Day. On this day (note: give the year -- "On this day in XXXX..."), Canada became a country.

Toronto is the most populous city in Canada. A diverse group of people thrive in peaceful coexistence. Toronto is like a rainbow in this sense. Toronto is in the warmest part of eastern Canada (note: Toronto is not on the eastern coast of Canada). The four seasons are clearly felt. During the winter, for instance, snow is everywhere. Ice hockey is Canada’s national sport. Most towns have hockey teams and larger cities have a professional team. Toronto’s favourite team is the Toronto Maple Leafs of the National Hockey League (NHL). If you want to watch a hockey game at the ACC (note: write this out), you will spend a lot of money. But money is not enough. You have to buy a ticket before the regular season's schedule even starts. It is very difficult to find a ticket during the season.

If you are an immigrant in Canada and you want to obtain a driver’s licence, or if you want to be a doctor, you must pass some examinations. They don’t accept your native country's certificate or driver’s licence. Many newcomers complain about such statutes. For example, if you want to drive a car, you have to pass three exams. This process takes about two years.

Canadians use "loonie" to refer to one dollar and "twonie" to refer to two dollars. When I heard those two words for the first time -- spoken by my wife -- I laughed. But after three or four weeks I started using them because they are both traditional and useful. The other traditional word is “EH”. Unfortunately, I don’t know what "EH" means, but sometimes I use it at the end of a sentence. I think it means, "Do you agree with me?". When I use this word I feel like a real Canadian. It’s cool, EH?

You have to know three rules if you want to live in Canada: Don’t break the rules; pay taxes; and love winter. These are the prerequisites for surviving in Canada.
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Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.