TOEFL® essay: The College years are the best time in a person's life

[Alan]

From: nazeedzia
To: Alan
Posted: Wed May 23, 2007 5:29 am
Subject: essay evaluation
Hi Alan,
will u please score the essay i have posted below and let me know the mistakes too, i will appreciate your support, thanx in advance.

The College years are the best time in a person's life

I definitely agreed with this statement because it comes JUST after the age of LEAVING high school, which REQUIRES one’s mind to be independent. A new environment is faced by the person entering college life with more and more expectations and full of purpose. UP TO high school age, a well-mannered life with boring routine is encountered so this independence HAS A longER lasting effect on one’s life.

The interaction of new and well-educated teachers and new classmates createS A different environment so that thoughts ARE changed and new hopes ARE generated. College life is basically a route towards professional education so the interest in studies IS added with/TO new patterns. In college life there is interaction with different people from different states and different origins so that you are able to BECOME familiar with different traditions and styles, which enhances YOUR general KNOWLEDGE. You have AN open decision to GO INTO A dormitory or to prefer living with your family.

FROM THE professional point of view there are internships during that period so that you are familiar with industrial or business attitudeS without behaving IN A childish WAY BY showing no familiarity, which is also a very memorable PART of life IN starting your career.

In colleges there ARE different subjects TAUGHT IN WHICH YOU CAN specialize, so there is A much greater possibility to interact with them too and make friends with different fields that can help YOU MAKE progress in your life.

Coming up with the major and most interesting part of your college life is the tours and visits TO different places with your classmates and college fellows, help in understanding each other. Everyone careS about someone who likes as well the consideration in time of difficulty. Group gathering and spending time with each other make those moments more memorable, which could not be attained IN THE rest of your life. You always miss them and wish THEY WOULD come BACK again, but time HAS passed. You with you group members and friends participate in different sports, in drama and theatre, in music and all other activities that are arranged in the premises of college boundaries.

I think you ought to try to write shorter sentences and make sure that the subject and the verb agree with each other.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Passive Voice

[Nazeedzia]

Hi Alan,
thanx for considering me and correcting the mistakes,
i just want to know that at what level of toefl score i am.I mean to say that what point from 0-5 you will suggest for this essay

[Nazeedzia]

Hi Alan,
i have another essay to be checked, i will thank you once again for you kind support, i tried my best to follow your comment previously given but lets see.

some people like to communicate by e-mail or voice mail.Other people like to communicate by telephone or face to face.which type of communication do you prefer and why?

I would like to prefer communication by telephone or face to face because of most of the reasons. First of all, a clear point of view is received from others, the person is able to understand what the other party wants to convey. For example, if there is a family issue, which could better be discussed face to face instead of any e-mail or voice mail. After that there comes confidence in talking to others without doubts. If some one made mistake, you can prompt him to be making mistake without any hesitation, until he admit that he did so.
If we discuss this confidence matter in another way like political parties they can interact with opponents face to face if they have right reason to come up with, means they have strong thoughts towards any project or issue than opponents. While discussing about the advantages and preferences for the telephonic discussion than e-mails, it comes up with clarification and with time consumption too.
When we discuss about business matters, the discussion is preferred on telephones, which is important, and by face to face, which need decisions and arguments. Meetings are arranged for this purpose, and prosperous decisions are made. This is a kind of a group discussion. E-mail and voice mails cannot overcome this issue very well.
During e-mail process, u have to wait for the answer until the other person see that mail and there is less possibility of getting mail on time if he is sure that the other person is checking his mail on time. But with telephonic discussion confirms the pros and cones on time while discussing in front of each other. And if someone has arguments, he can discuss on phone at the same time.
We can better understand this issue by considering an example like, if there is an accident happening, which do not wait for time but the moment, so telephones help in this case instead of considering e-mails for informing the accident.

[Englishuser]

Hi nadeezia,

I would say that the essay you just posted could give you around two points out of five. I am not that familiar with the TOEFL, though, and I think the essay is close to an IELTS Band 5.

All the best

EU

[Alan]

I would prefer TO communicatE by telephone or face to face because of most of the reasons. First of all, a clear point of view is received from others, the person is able to understand what the other party wants to convey. For example, if there is a family issue, which could better be discussed face to face instead of BY e-mail or voice mail. After that there comes confidence in talking to others without doubt. If someone HAS made A mistake, you can REMIND HIM HE HAS MADE A mistake without any hesitation, until he admitS that he did so.
If we discuss this confidence matter in another way like political parties they can interact with opponents face to face if they to come up with THE RIGHT REASON, WHICH means they have strongER thoughts towards any project or issue than opponents. While discussing the advantages and preferences for the telephonic discussion RATHER than e-mails, it comes DOWN TO clarification and TO time consumption,too.
When we discuss business matters, the discussion is preferred BY telephone, which is important, and by face to face, which need decisions and arguments. Meetings are arranged for this purpose, and prosperous?? PURPOSEFUL decisions are made. This is a kind of a group discussion. E-mail and voice mails cannot overcome this issue very well.
During THE e-mail process, YOU have to wait for the answer until the other person seeS that mail and there is less possibility of getting mail on time if he is sure that the other person is checking his mail on time. But with telephonic discussion YOU CAN confirm the pros and cones on time while discussing in front of each other. And if someone has arguments, he can discuss on THE phone at the same time.
We can better understand this issue by considering an example like, if an accident , which doES not wait for time but FOR the moment, telephones help in this case instead of considering e-mails for informing the accident.

Alan
_________________
English as a Foreign Language
You can read my EFL story Phrasal Verbs/take

[Derfer]

Do you remember "the wonderful years"? It is highly probably that anyone has fallen in love when he or she was a college student. In addition, you actually understand the meaning of partner when you are at college. Moreover, the destiny of a person is determined at college. In spite of the fact that the lifetime of a person is long, I totally agree that the best years of a person are the college years.

In the first place, you make your first love relations at college. Many people got their first love partner at college. For example, my first girlfriend was a school partner. In addition, who can deny that he or she did not fall in love with his or her teacher? For instance, when I was 9 years old, I thought that my teacher was the most beautiful woman of the world. Furthermore, one of the college girlfriends can be your current wife. To illustrate, the wife of my brother was his college girlfriend.

jihusan@msn.com

In the second place, you make really good friends at college. You obtain not only a lot of friends, but also good friends at school. For instance, almost all the people admit that they got their best friends at college. In addition, you comprehend the notion of partnership. To illustrate, at college you can help a partner despite the dangers such as expulsion of college. Moreover, you are part of a group with common goals and problems. I consider that this fact is very important to start any kind of organization in the future.

Lastly, you find out the meaning of your life at college. First, you realize what topics you like and what not. To illustrate, if I am bad at maths, I will never study engineering. Second, you decide if you want to go to the university. I mean, you decide whether the university is good for you or not based on the suggestions and advices of your teachers. Finally, you can obtain the idea of a marvelous business at college. For example, many successful business men obtained their ideas when they were at college.

To sum up, at college we learn to love, we realize the concept of partner, and we determine the future of our lives. Definitely, the years at college are the best moments of lifetime despite the long duration of lifetime. Would you like to life those years again?

[Zara Woman]

When most people are asked when theirs the best time in life, the answer would be mostly the college time. This question encourages them to go back to this nice period of life. I think that most of us study at college not just to get high diploma education, but find friends, or simply spent good time.
College time it is the time of less responsibility, when you do not think how to earn money, how to feed your family, it is the time when you think how to spent time with your friends more proficiently. It is the opprtunity to interact with different people sometimes form different countries. You learn from them theirs own culture. The college years provide you to choose to leave in dorm or in off campus. And it is a good experince to leave to somebody, far from your family. Living in dorms, meaning your live with your classmates in the same building, you gather, make meeting and parties, visit together libraries.
Moreover, most people are keen to begin work as earlier as possible, therefore they withdraw form school for the sake of work. But they do not understsnd that they would be work the whole theirs life. And to spent your time at college as much as possible is better, because we should to longer our unresponsible student life.
Sometimes when your are in college you do not understand that it is the best time, you live and enjoy your life, and most think that in future would be bettet, however in most cases when this fiture comes you undestand that the best time was your college time.