What if someone can't pronounce your name?

[Jamie (K)]

This situation is kind of funny:

I know an American man who has known a certain foreign woman for more than five years. She wants to marry him, and she gets very upset that he hasn't asked her. Among the woman's other odd traits, there is one thing that irritates the man a lot: In over five years, the woman has never learned to pronounce his last name! He's got a simple, two syllable surname, and although she learns to pronounce every other word in English, she always mangles his last name very badly. He says he has sat with her and coached her, and if she's pressed she is able to pronounce it right. However, in all other situations, she decides not to bother, and she says it in any one of several unrecognizable ways, adding syllables and just generally twisting up the name until no one can understand it.

What do you think about someone who can, but doesn't bother to pronounce the name of some man she wants to marry? Do you think it's a superficial problem, or do you think it indicates something deeper? (First your opinions, and then I'll give you mine.)

[Lost_Soul]

She probably hates the way his last name sounds.
I'd suggest he marry her and take (or "inherit") her last name. So, where's the big deal ?

(I'm wondering what Freud would have to say about that....)

[Ahmadov]

First, about the situation you discribed in your post: are we sure the lady does not want to test the man's patience or she does not enjoy irritating him, as some ladies may do this against their lovers? Anyway, I cannot think any other reason why this lady should tease the man that way...

[Jamie (K)]

Okay, here's my opinion. I have the advantage of knowing the man and of having met the woman many times.

I think that the woman's refusal to pronounce his name correctly after such a long time shows a basic stubbornness to her personality and a profound lack of respect for him. I don't think she's teasing him, and I think this mispronunciation is the tip of the iceberg, in that it's symbolic of a whole large mass of negative attitudes.

In my experience with foreigners in the United States, people who pronounce badly for many years, even though they've had good instruction, are generally stubborn people. (This does not apply to East Asians and Spanish speakers, because they have special pronunciation problems.) This woman shows a general disrespect for most people outside her own family, including the husbands of her two sisters. In her years in the US, she has made no friends other than this man, because she doesn't have much respect for the people around her. I can tell she's stubborn, because she refuses to dress properly for winter, since she's from a warm country and refuses to adapt. Instead, she just complains about the climate. People from her country usually arrive in the US unable to read a road map, but they learn very quickly to use one. This woman refuses to learn to read a map, and she expects someone to drive her if she doesn't know how to get to a place. That's another indication of stubbornness.

But the whole issue of refusing to pronounce intelligibly is key to me, because it shows a general bad attitude toward a person or his culture. I have a relative who speaks Spanish in a way that is almost completely unintelligible. His pronunciation is horrible, but if you stop him and tell him to say a sentence properly, it will come right out of his mouth with a nearly native-sounding Mexican accent. He CAN pronounce Spanish well without much effort, but he doesn't want to, apparently because he doesn't think it's important to be understood well. He is showing a general lack of respect for the language and its people. I think this woman is showing something similar with the man's name.

[NinaZara]

[Prezbucky]

...he can take her name and give her some of her own medicine by mispronouncing her name!

Man, she sounds like a real... witch!

"It's Smith, not Smiff!"

hehe
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[NinaZara]

Or maybe she can follow Zsa Zsa Gabor and call him and everybody else, "Dah'ling!"
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We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.

[Jamie (K)]

[Jamie (K)]

[Prezbucky]

[Jamie (K)]

[Prezbucky]

oh... apathy!

wow
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Jamie (K)]

[Prezbucky]

I see. Maybe it's an inside joke shared just between the two of them... and not really offensive to him after all.
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Jamie (K)]