TOEFL® Essay Sample: Actions speak louder than words

[Flaviomarcelinho]

Hi everybody,

My name is flávio, I'm from Brazil, and I'm going to do the toefl IBT test next saturday (January, 12th).
I've tried to write some essays and tried to get prepared for the test. But, studying alone is always something dificulty to do.
So, I wrote the essay below and I really would apreciate if somebody could correct it and give me a feedback. Please!

Essay topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Actions speak louder than words
Use specific reasons and examples to support your response.

I strongly believe that actions speak louder than words. Because when a person do something, everybody who is around will judge the results of the action and will conect the action to the person who did it.
One good example of it is the politician who is involved in a political scandal. Regardeless the politician can proove his inocence, the most of people will conect the politician's image to the escandal, and maybe don't support him in the next election process.

Another point which has to be observed is that people speaks about many things and someones speak a lot, all the time, about things that are no true. That's why the socyet are getting used to not believe in words, but in acts. Because acts are more dificult to be unreliable. The acts, always leave results and the the results are the best exemple of the reliability of the acts.

I'm going to give one good exemple of how an act can speaks louder than words: once in my life, I was trying to get a new job and had to do some selection tests. Because there was only 1 vacance and 10 candidates. The test selections included some group dynamics, and one of those dynamics were as follows: the the test aplicant asked to every candidate who really spoke english and all test takers answered that we really spoke english. So, the test aplicant, continued making other questions in our mother leguage ( portuguese). After 30 minutes, the test aplicant left the room and didn´t come back. After 10 minutes, another woman come to us and talked in english: "The test will continue in the room number 1546, at the 5th floor, in about 5 minutes. Who uderstood me, please leave this room right know and go to the new room where the test will be placed". After the woman left the room, only 3 candidates went to the room 1546, at the 5th floor.

By this exemple, is very easy to understand how the actions talks louder than words. Because, although all the candidates sad that they really spoke english, only 3 of them really understood the information that the test would continue in another room.

I can over this essay, supporting the idea that actions is more reliable then words, saying that is easier to relly that a person is really capable to understand the topics discussed in an american university analysing the person' toefl exam results than only if the person say that he is capable.

[Alan]

Hi,

Essay topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Actions speak louder than words
Use specific reasons and examples to support your response.

I FIRMLY believe that actions speak louder than words because when a person doES something, everybody who is around will judge the results of the action and will conNect the action to the person who did it.

One good example of it is the politician who is involved in a political scandal. Regardless OF WHETHER the politician can prOve his inNocence, MOST people will conNect the politician's image to the scandal, and maybe WON'T support him in the next election process.

Another point which has to be observed is that people speak about many things and some speak a lot, all the time, about things that are noT true. That's why SOCIETY IS getting used to not believING in words, but in actIONS. Because actIONS are more difFicult to be unreliable. ACTIONS always leave results BEHIND and results are the best exAmple of the reliability of the ACTIONS.

I'm going to give one good exAmple of how an actION can speak louder than words: once in my life, I was trying to get a new job and had to do some selection tests because there was only 1 vacancY and 10 candidates. The test selections included some group dynamics, and one of those dynamics WAS as follows: the apPlicant asked every candidate who really spoke English and all test takers answered that we really spoke English. So, the test apPlicant, continued DOING other questions in our mother lANguage ( Portuguese). After 30 minutes, the test aplicant left the room and didn´t come back. After 10 minutes, another woman come to us and talked in English: "The test will continue in room number 1546, ON the 5th floor, in about 5 minutes. WhoEVER uderstood me, please leave this room right now and go to the new room where the test will be HELD". After the woman left the room, only 3 candidates went to room 1546, ON the 5th floor.

By this exAmple, IT is very easy to understand how actions SPEAK louder than words because, although all the candidates saId that they really spoke English, only 3 of them really understood the information that the test would continue in another room.

I can WITH this essay, support the idea that actions ARE more reliable then words, saying that IT is easier to REALISE that a person is really capable OF understandING the topics discussed in an American university analysing the person' toefl exam results than only if the person sayS that he is capable.

I have made some changes in capital letters.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story A day in the life of a flat hunter

[Flaviomarcelinho]

Hy Alan,

Thanks a lot for correcting my essay. I really apreciated your job.

How many points do you think I could get with that essay in Toefl IBT test?

See you,

[Flaviomarcelinho]

Hi there.

I really woud like somebody to rate my essay.

Could anybody do it for me?

Thanks,

[Superman]

Hi flaviomarcelinho,
I think your essay is in good grammar and well-organized. However, the points that you made to support your opinion seems a bit confusing and unclear. Personally, I think you will get the score of 3 or 4 for this writing.
Good luck!!!

[Flaviomarcelinho]

[Torsten]

Hi Flávio,

If you read some of the TOEFL essays your fellow TOEFL candidates have posted here on the forum, you will get a better idea as the level of your writing skills. How many TOEFL essays have you read so far?

Regards,
Torsten
_________________
Test Of English for International Communication
TOEIC Preparation & TOEIC Vocabulary

[Flaviomarcelinho]

[Jordania]

Hi,
I am not sure why I feel that I have not improved with my writing essays. For that reason, I decide to share the essays I write to be rated or corrected. I will also be happy to accept any comment.
I feel shy to not progress in my writing, but I think it is the moment to accept critics and comments.
Could somebody check my essay?, please.

When I see this stament I get shocked because I could not imagine how to prepare a plan according to the type of information I wanted to inlude in my essay. If you have other idea about how to respond to this essay let me know, and I will be thankful to you

Quote:

Actions speak louder than words.

It is a common phrase heard by all people, but not many put it in practice. I agree with that stament since a person can speak very good things, but his or her acts and facts will say which kind of person he or she really is. I am sure everybody has heard this phrase in one or other way. For example, "teach with the example", "the facts speak by themselves", or "the words are carried by wind, but the facts stay". All these phrases make reference to the actions, facts and what is visible as the most important thing in a speech or discourse.

It is a common phrase repeated by many but followed by few. Many countries boast of the human rights that they have, but at the same time these nations are in wars. This is a clear example of those actions speak louder than words since the words are nothing if they are not followed by real facts.

The persons that speak the same with words and facts are the persons that we call persons with integrity because they have adherence with the facts and words they speak. A person with this characteristic is someone that have coherence in the form of life and the form to do the thigns.

This phrase makes me remeber a person who wrote a wonderful book. He was Victor Frankl, and he wrote a book based in the fact that he lived in a concentration field in the second World War. His actions spoke louder than words because he survived and wrote how a person that have a purpose in life can survive. His strong to survive after being inside a horrible place speaks louder than the words in his book. This means that his book has much more sense with the living example of him. He exposes in the book how a person can have strenght to live having a purpose in life. For me his book had been just a good book without his experience, but his experience is a fact that makes me feel firmly in all his words written in that book. The facts do not only speak louder than words, but facts can also make stronger the words.

There are many other examples in the political history of the world of people that do things and these things speak louder than words. For example, in scence this is a phrase very important since demonstrations speaks louder than all the theories proposed. If a scientist proposed something without proved how his or her information can be taken into account. The considerations is in the facts and actions. A theory without actions or facts does not have support and it wil follow being jut a theory.

For all above, I should say that facts speak louder than words. I am sure that is true at least in the example of someone and in sciece.

[Darkangel12891]

HI, i'm tri. I've tried to correct your essay as much as i can. So, if there is still incorrect things, welcome all extra comments.
It is a common phrase heard by all THE people, but not many CAN put it in PRACTICAL. I agree with that STATEMENT FOR a person can speak very good things, but his or her acts and facts will EVALUATE which kind of person he or she really is. I am sure THAT everybody has heard this phrase in one or other WAYS. For example, "teach with the example", "the facts speak by themselves", or "the words are carried by wind, but the facts stay". All these phrases make reference to the actions; facts and what ARE visible is the most important thing in a speech or discourse.

It is a common phrase repeated by many but followed by few. Many countries MAKE boast of the human rights that they have, but at the same time these nations are in wars. This is a clear example of those actions speak louder than words since the words are nothing if they are not followed by real facts.

The persons WHO speak the same with words and facts are the persons that we call persons with integrity because they have adherence with the facts and words they speak. A person with this characteristic is someone that HAS coherence in the form of life and the form to do the THINGS. This phrase makes me REMEMBER a person who wrote a wonderful book. He was Victor Franks, and he wrote a book based ON the fact that he lived in a concentration field in the Second World War His actions spoke louder than words because he survived and wrote how a person that have a purpose in life can survive. His strong to survive after being inside a horrible place speaks louder than the words in his book. This means that his book has much more sense with the living example of him. He exposes in the book how a person can have STRENGHT to live WITH a purpose in life. For me, his book had been just a good book BUT his experience, but his experience is a fact that makes me feel FIRM in all his words written in that book. The facts do not only speak louder than words, but facts can also make stronger THAN words.

There are many other examples in the political history of the world of people that do things *(and these things) speak louder than words. For example, in SCIENCE, this is a phrase, WHICH IS very important, since demonstrations speak louder than all the theories proposed. If a scientist proposed something without PROVEMENT how his or her information can be taken into account. The considerations are in the facts and actions. A theory without actions or facts does not have support and it will STILL BEING JUST a theory.

For all above, I WOULD say that facts speak louder than words. I am sure thIS is true at least in the example of someone and in scieNce.

I think your idea is seemly good or your grammar structure is acceptable either. If you want us to share the learning english's experience together. My id: darkangel12891. Nice to meet you.

[Jordania]

Nice to meet you too

Thank you for correct my essay. Now I realize that I have to put more attention to my typo mistakes and many other things...
We can share experiences, I will write to you.