Someone rate my GRE® issue: An action is morally good if its positive effects...

[Vicissimitude]

An action is morally good if its positive effects outweigh its negative effects

""Every action has an equal and opposite reaction""- These reactions can either be good or bad. A person must base his actions on the amount of good resulting from this action compared to the amount of bad. If the amount of good is greater, then this action is considered morally right by the public. When the action affects the majority, it is considered morally wrong. A person must use his good judgement in these scenarios.

When a bridge or a dam is built, the public is asked to exacuate that place, leaving their home, property etc., A large volume of people are affected due to this, but once when this project is complete, generations of people are benifitted by this. But, in the incipient stages, a lot of people had to undergo hardships because of this.So, the aim should always be towards doing a greater good.

In World War II, millions of people in allied forces died. Hundreds of families were affected because of this war. But, to stop the Germans and their and allies, the price we had to pay was the life of hundreds of soldiers. In the end, peace was restored and everyone was saved from a possible monarchy. War in general, in any contest, is considered atrocious. But, in this case, it is ragarded as morally correct.

In conclusion, we should see that our actions benifit the majority. Every good deed has some consequences. Often, these consequences are towards the negative, but, we should see the overall result of our actions are pointing towards the right direction.

[Immortal]

Hi vicissimitude,

I would give this essay a rating of 2.5 out of 6 for following reasons:

1. You did not present your opinion on the given issue. At the end of this essay it is not clear if you agree with the statement that "an action is morally good if its positive effects outweigh its negative effects" or not. And this is (as I read in all GRE books about essay writing) fundamentally important, you cannot get 3+ points if you fail at this.
You only wrote that "If the amount of good is greater, then this action is considered morally right by the public". But nobody cares about the public, this is about your opinion.

2. Reading paragraphs one and three was somewhat tiresome because you make the mistake of making sentences of the same length - which is (I also read this in a GRE book) very boring to read.

3. If you write something like ""Every action has an equal and opposite reaction"" at the beginning you _must_ write where this comes from (and make only one prime). The way it stands there, the reader is kind of stupified. "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction" - is this true? If I put a nail into the wall, does the wall put a nail into me?
Of course, if you look at it another way, the statement makes sense: if you hurt somebody, you are likely to get hurt by that person too - or to get a negative response. But the reader isn't supposed to think about that, you should elaborate this yourself.

4. It was kind of short and there were some grammatical errors (" ... leaving their home, property etc., A large ...). Exacuate is not a word.

5. Your examples don't really adress the issue of morality. I mean, I believe the issue is referring to something like this: a kidnapper was caught, the hostage, a 14 year old girl, is confined in an unknown storage room without food or water supply and is likely to die within three days from thirst and hunger. The kidnapper refuses to give away the location of the hostage. Is it morally justifiable to use torture to get the information and save the girl?

Please don't take the criticism personal, it's just intended to help. On a positive note, your examples were nice and interesting to read. I liked the one about the bridge and World War II.

Please comment on my essay too
http://www.english-test.net/forum/ftopic24837.html

best regards,
Immortal