TOEFL® essay: People attend college or university for many different reasons...

[Amateur2]

"I just begin to write an English essay for TOEFL testing. Kindly correct and rate the following essay. Thank you for all of your advices."

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, or increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

For many decades, education plays an important role in everyday life, and college or university is a place for whoever wants to be educated. Therefore, the most important reason that people attend the college or university is to increase their opportunity. In addition, they want to get more friends and be confident in themselves.

First of all, nowadays there is a lot of competition in finding a good job and candidates are required for the high education. The higher their education are, the more opportunity they will have. For example, owing to the continuous increase of competition in work, every year the number of freshmen attending the university is higher than that in the last year because they want to get a diploma in the high degree.

Furthermore, in every university, there are so many people from different countries. Consequently, the university is the best place for someone who wants to learn different cultures by making a friendship with other students. To demonstrate, in the university, I used to have several friends who come from different provinces. They taught me various cultures in their provinces, and I used to taste the favorite food of their home. Unless I attended the university, I would not get this experience.

Finally, having a high education makes people more confident in themselves because they used to have a great deal of experience in a university. For instance, almost every course in the university has assignments and sometimes you have to present your idea in front of several people. You will learn how to present in public. This makes you more confident to present your idea when you work or have a meeting.

All in all, although there are a number of reasons that people try to attend college and university, in my viewpoint, the three important reasons are increasing their opportunity to succeed in their work, getting new friends and learning new cultures, and getting confident in themselves.

[Narayanan Krishnaswamy]

"I just began to write an English essay for TOEFL testing. Please suggest corrections and rate the following essay. Thank you for the time you spent."
For many decades, education has played an important role in everyday life, and a college or a university is a place for anyone who wants to get educated. Therefore, the most important reason that people attend college or university is to learn more and better their opportunities of finding paying-jobs. In addition, they also make friends and become self-confident.
I have tried to show you how it should look. I have edited only the first few lines.
You have to learn more. Look at the changes I have made and continue.

[Alan]

I've heard of paid employment and well paid jobs but paying-jobs?? is a new one on me.
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[Alan]

I think you'll find that adverbs like just are usually associated with the Present Perfect and so we would have: I've just begun. Here just has the idea of recently rather than only where the Past Simple would work.
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[Alan]

I think the contributor wanted to say: want to get more friends so perhaps this can be changed to: want to make new friends.
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[Guest]

Thanks for the additional comments. They really are valuable.
narayanan.

[1esl]

Keep practicing. Remember to stay close to your original thesis statement. For example, you stated one of your goals was to meet new friends, but didn't mention your interest in other cultures untl later in your essay, where you talk about it. So that point, if you will talk about it, should be included in your introduction. Good luck.

[Hapi]

I think you should say more about the benefits when attending college or university. For example:
Attending college or university can help people get more knowledge or abilities such as: communication ability, corporation ability or even independcy ability.

And then, you can give some example such as: many students who graduated from famous universities like Harvard, Yale or Oxford, can get high salary and have more opportunities to promote.....(or something like that...)

It's just my idea....
I also want to take TOEFL test in the near future, I also have to learn.

Good luck to you and good luck to me...^_^...

[Ramiro]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for
example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your answer.

In my opinion, there are many reasons the people attend college and university. I consider, that is not just a finding of knowledge, instead of that any person have your own motives.
Basically, there are 3 kind of people on the college/university. In the next paragraph i will describe each of them.

One of the typical reasons for people go to college, is to get a better social status. When I was a student in march of 1997, I knew guys and girl, most of them 'rich people', than just go to get funny and make new friends. This kind of young people, are more interested on superficial thinks like the hair color, stile of shirts and models of cellular phones, than to study.

In contrary of the first group, the student that work on his free time to pay the university, are the most interested on study and learn every day. They know that the best way to improve his role on the society is by the way of the effort.

Finally, some students form the rich side of the society, have the best of 'the two worlds', for one side they have good interested on increased knowledge, and at the same time wants to get a nice social life, getting good friends. In my case and from my point of view, I am on this group.

[Nerry]

would you please someone correct my toefl essay ? It would be great if you can score it out of 5.

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for
example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your answer.

..................................................................................................................

People attend colleges and universities for a lot of different reasons. Among them I think the main reasons why they use to go for higher education are, career preparation and increased the knowledge.
In todays competitive world there is a high demand for a person with a lot of qualifications. When a person is having two or three degrees his /her demand is high in the job market. He can do not only one job but also several jobs which are going along with the fields that he had already followed. Everyone is looking for experts to join them to their companies as they can gain profit by using their knowledge and capacity in a specific field. They are well paid and because of that they can enjoy their life for the fullest.
On the other hand, higher education gives more knowledge. Majoring in a specific field builds experts and their special knowledge leads them to inventions which helps people. Most Of the modern students who do their bachelors and masters are curious on the subject they are studying. When they completed their undergraduate level they are trying to go forward to the next level; Phd. Their eagerness lead them apply to another university for further studies.
Of course, Students attend universities and colleges for widen their knowledge and to prepare for the highly competitive job market in order to get a luxury salary and live a better life.

[Nerry]

why doesn't anyone respond me ? Are my essays that much bad to read and understand? I am really worried......

[Richard_Jack.c]

Hi Nerry.
there is nothing to be worried bout...your essays are much more better than overwhelming majority of member's essays.
you have shown that you are diligent. I myself believe that you are capable of doing good work.

don't write your essay bellow another essay!
http://www.english-test.net/forum/ftopic45466.html#just_a_reminder_to_essay_writers
take a look at the time of it:Thu May 12, 2005 8:26 a
Thanks in advance.
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Ludwig Wittgenstein
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