TOEFL® essay: Has computer made life easier?

[Lemicho]

Dear Alan,

I saw that you have been helping somer students who have difficults with writing skill. So if possible, I'd really aprecciate if you could check my first writing essay, because I'm going take the TOEFL test next march.

Thanks in advance

Regards.

Independent Tasks - Has computer made life easier?

Nowadays the computers have been used frequently by the people and have been an important instrument in their lives. Definitely computers have made life easier with all resources that they offer.
One important resources offered by computers is the internet. With internet it is possible to know everything you want and surf in many interesting sites. It is possible, for example, to do a research about everything at anyplace and anytime. Who usually uses Google probably will agree with this. Because of this facility, day by day is more common for people use the internet instead the library.
With the technology, nowadays the computers are better than before. They are faster, more slim, and with a better design. It is possible to say that there is one computer for each person with its necessity. One example is people who have disability; especially the blind people, who can find a computer system that translate the most important programs, like word and excel.
There are much more things that will be possible in the future and that, nowadays, we can’t imagine. But, definitely, twenty years ago we didn’t know how our lives would be easier like today is.

[Gabriel123]

Nowadays (!) computers ARE used (we've been using them for a while and we still are)
all THE ressouces
ONE ressoruces ???
you don't surf IN sites, you just surf the sites or the net
any place, any time
more common TO use
instead OF the
more slim (althought they're not runway models) = slimmer
people usually have disabilities - plural (we'd be all happy if it was only one)

OK ... sugar, first of all, how old are you? I'm gonna try to be as thorough as possible. You've still got a lot of things to learn in terms of essay writing so I wouldn't advise you take the TOEFL too soon.

Your vocabulary is kind of limited - you should try learning new words (watch a movie, read a book and learn every word you don't know; you won't remember all the words, but at least a great part). Focus on connectors, you've practically got none, and stop repeating words like nowadays - you've got it everywhere.

The most important part, stop translating from Portuguese, but instead try thinking in English.

The very best of luck!

[Lemicho]

Hi Gabriel,

Thank you for you help. Your feedback is very important to me. Unfortunately I have to take the TOEFL in march, because the deadline for university is on april. So, I have to study hard. I'm going to continue posting my writing essays in the forum and I hope you can help me.

Regards.

[Gabriel123]

Post them in this topic, I'll get a notification via e-mail once you do and if I have the time, I'll help you. I sure wish you'll get a good score.
Keep me updated.

G

[Perken]

Of course, computers, with all the settings and the tools which they offer, have made considerabely easier to fulfil some of our daily life tasks . We can see it just in the simple task of writing a document: The great contribution of a simple copy-and-past action, the possibility of changing the font, the printibility of the document. All these tasks performed nowadays by simple clics were considered as big chores by what we can call "anté-computer-era-man" . In addition to this, with internet coming , computers has reduced considerably information-research and communication times. In just few seconds one can inform for example his supplyer of the receipt of the merchandise, and so on.
However, we can not say that our life has become easier. Computer-era-man does work eight hours aday, just like his predecessor, and with te same stress if not more.
Computer has brung with him his set of new challenges: we have a lot of tools to learn to work with; Business has become faster, and with it, the work pace too.

[Gabriel123]

1.Never start a piece of writing with "of course!". Put it more formally - it is generally known, it is common knowledge
2. wrong syntax - computers mad our tasks considerably easier
3. copy/paste
4. printability ... I'd avoid this kind of words if I were you
5. clicks
6. let's say difficult chores, rather than big
7. there's no such thing as "anté-computer-era-man" and though I have a soft spot for French, the é was not at all necessary; you can say modern man
8. computers HAVE reduced the time spent for...
9.In just A few seconds
10. never use "and so on" (you're practically telling the one reading that you're bored)
11. internet ain't coming - following the widespread use of the internet
12. computers have brought
13. business became faster - is it running around ? consider rephrasing

[Sorin16]

Hi all!

I want to know the steps for an argumentative essay, with connectors and all of the stuff.