TOEFL® essay example: Financial success and how to achieve it

[Sherifatbidemi]

Financial success can be described as an achievement made through money transaction or an investment in business project. There are many ways in achieving financial success, these are as follows: First of all in any business, there must be knowledge about it. This involves knowledge acquired through studies or experience. For example, one can not succeed in poultry farming unless that person has knowledge about poultry management. Secondly, hard working, which is the key way to success is very vital. Hard working entails dedication and comitment to work. Much efforts are needed to achieve financial success and this is through hardworking. The third factor is good planning. In any business planning is an important tool for setting a strategy towards the consumers. A business planner must be able to know for instance where, and when to plant maize. A maize planted during dry season will yield a very low output. Lastly,evalution of progress or otherwise at each stage of development is necessary for making an adjustment if need be. In summary financial success could be attributed to hardworking, dedication, knowledge, göod planning method and evaluation. All these are necessary for achieving success in any business. Please, I will be glad to be corrected. Thank you

[Kitosdad]

For example, one can not .... cannot, one word.

Much efforts are needed....... Much effort is needed.

In any business planning is ....... In any business, planning( Comma definitely required.)

In summary financial................In summary, financial ( again, a comma.)

An excellent essay. My comments are purely nit-picking, but you did ask.

Kitos.
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Englishman living in Germany.

[Sherifatbidemi]

Thank you, I really appreciate the pains you went through in making the corrections.