|
|
 #2 (permalink) Fri Mar 24, 2006 13:15 pm Toefl essay: DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE... |
|
|
Hi,
I have made some changes in capital letters:
Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:22 am Post subject: please rate my essay
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Quote: | TOPIC:DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT? CHILDHOOD
IS THE HAPPIEST TIME IN A
PERSON'S LIFE.
I strongly agree with the topic that childhood is the happiest time of a person's life. I had many joyful moments in that part of my life. I hope not only (myself) I BUT almost everyone enjoyed it to the fullest. The following are the reasons for my stance on this topic.
Firstly, it is during our childhood THAT WE ENJOY (we would have enjoyed) our school days because of less work pressure. Children spend less time in learning their lessons, which does not require a great deal of work from them. In childhood , children learn their lessons in a much funnier way than adults do. Learning many new things in that age will make children feel good. (NOTE I HAVE REMOVED THE ARTICLES)
Secondly, during childhood parents are very much attached to them and they pamper their children in all their needs. Moreover they care for their children much more than they do in their other parts of life. Furthermore, THE presence of a sibling either younger or older will also make childhood days more happier. A child can spend more time playing with his or her sibling than it can do with other friends
Children spend most of their time by playing with their pals. Nothing can give more joy to children (as much as) THAN playing with friends. With all these reasons and because of my childhood days, I feel that those days must be the happiest days in a person's life. |
This is quite good but remember not to use the definite article when the noun isn't specified.
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Passive Voice |
|
Alan
Co-founder
Joined: 27 Sep 2003
Posts: 9114
Location: UK
|
|
| #3 (permalink) Fri Mar 24, 2006 18:33 pm Toefl essay: DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE... |
|
|
| Alan wrote: | Hi,
I have made some changes in capital letters:
Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:22 am Post subject: please rate my essay
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Quote: | Firstly, it is during our childhood THAT WE ENJOY (we would have enjoyed) our school days because of less work pressure. Children spend less time in learning their lessons, which does not require a great deal of work from them. In childhood , children learn their lessons in a much funnier way than adults do. Learning many new things in that age will make children feel good. (NOTE I HAVE REMOVED THE ARTICLES)
|
This is quite good but remember not to use the definite article when the noun isn't specified. |
Hi Alan,
would you mind explaining why would have enjoyed is better than enjoy here? Thanks.
CG |
|
Cooliegirly
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 24 Jul 2005
Posts: 260
|
 |
| #4 (permalink) Fri Mar 24, 2006 19:19 pm Toefl essay: DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE... |
|
|
Hi cooliegirly,
The point I made here is that WE ENJOY is better than WE WOULD HAVE ENJOYED because the sentence begins with the present tense: It is during our holiday ...
Alan
_________________
English as a Foreign Language
You can read my EFL story In short |
|
Alan
Co-founder
Joined: 27 Sep 2003
Posts: 9114
Location: UK
|
|
| #5 (permalink) Fri Mar 24, 2006 19:24 pm Please rate my essay |
|
|
| Ooops...sorry |
|
Cooliegirly
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 24 Jul 2005
Posts: 260
|
|
| #6 (permalink) Fri Mar 24, 2006 19:40 pm Toefl essay: DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE... |
|
|
Hi cooliegirly,
Absolutely no apology needed.
Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Don't bank on it |
|
Alan
Co-founder
Joined: 27 Sep 2003
Posts: 9114
Location: UK
|
|
|
| Ibt exam re-correction? | Always telling truth is the most important consideration... |
