TOEFL® essay sample: 'A new factory in your community...'

[Blatella]

Dear Alan,
I am new to this forum. Could you kindly correct my essay as soon as possible? It would be very nice, because I am going to take the Toefl on next Friday already...
To be honest, I have some difficulties with the definition of the word "community"... Could you possibly explain it to me?
Thank you in advance!!!

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A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support ro oppose the factory? Explain your position.
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Many companies which business goes on successfully, often wish to expand it in order to increase their profit. Due to this fact they build new factories and head quarters in their own country as well as in foreign countries.

To begin with I would like to state that such decisions have great affect on social and economic situation in regions where the expandation takes place. On the one hand, companies solve the problem of unemployment in this way by offering more jobs, which evolve firstly from employing workers to build a factory and secondly from employing office workers for the factory when it is built. Consequetly, it increases the economic situation in the country. Moreover, it positively influences social contacts between people who learn each other when they work together.

Nevertheless, on the other hand, a community which lives or works next to the future factory is negatively influenced by this building. In my opinion, there are to many disadvantages, which disturb the daily life of the community.

First of all, the building of the factory cost much time. It means for the community that it must count on loudness, which will take a very long period. So, people cannot concentrate on their work, are getting nervos and overstressed, which influence their day in a bad way. What happens next is the luck of motivation and the excess of people who are getting ill because of loudness and environment pollution.

A positive factor for the community is the fact that it recieves many new members, after the factory has been build. But such projects take years and all this time members of the community have to suffer under all the negative aspects I have listed before.

In conclusion I would like to put a stress on the environment pollution caused by new factories. Actually, there are too much factories over the world, which produce same products although there are no need of them.

[Alan]

Hi Blatella,

My suggestions are in CAPITAL letters:

[Blatella]

Hello Alan,

thank you very much for your prompt reply and for the explanation!

I am pretty nervous, because I have got only two days left before the test....and it seems to me, that my oral abilities are getting worse and worse... I practice every day,but... Have you possibly got some advices concerning the speaking part of the test??? Would be very kind of you. Thanks again,

Blatella

[Alan]

Hi Blatella,

The most important thing is to relax, do some deep breathing before you start your oral exam. Before you start, think of a phrase/a sentence you know well in English and say it over to yourself to get inot an 'English' frame of mind. Having been an examiner myself I can assure you that most examiners want you to speak well and are therefore helpful in their approach. When it comes to question and answer, try to pick up on the words that the questioner is using. In other words use the verb that the questioner asks. That should get you started. The answer to: What do you think of ..? is best started with: I think that .. That will help to give you confidence.

Good luck

Alan
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English as a Foreign Language
You can read my EFL story A day in the life of a parliamentary candidate

[Blatella]

Hi Alan,

thank you! I will try to follow your advices, if I do not lose my nerves

I wish you a nice day.

With best regards,

Blatella

[Torsten]