TOEFL® essay sample: You have enough money to purchase...

[Carrey]

TOEFL essay sample

Hi,teachers,

it is my first essay and thanks for your review.
you have enough money to purchase a house or business,which would you choose to buy?

what is your choice between a house or business when you have enough money? when it comes to the question, the latter choice flashes into my mind instantly.The reasons supporting my choice are given as follows
For a gradute student ,it seems that I have no privilege to buy a house and live a comfortable life.The potential opprotunity intrigues me more than other things. What interests me most when I come to the society is how to realise my value and extend my horizon.Thanks to my enough money, I could run my own business to do something meaningful rather than to begin enjoying a lazy and comfortable life in a house.

The other reason for my choice is that the changing and risk work intersts me more than just the house.someone told me that the meaningful life is to risk and embrace the chanllege.That is to say ,the brand new job will bring me more happieness and will let me know the strenghes and weaknesses of myself.on the other hand,living in the house at the early age is just like jumping at the bottom of the well.you can not see the entire sky.When I come across the failure ,i will tell myself that it is not so bad as expected from another perspective, becuase i have learn more from the setback.
From the discussion above can we draw the conclusion that I would like to run a business when I have enough money .

[Alan]

Hi carrey,

I have made some suggestions in CAPITAL letters and put brackets ( ) around words that are unnecessary: